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I’m back.

sorry I’ve been gone for more than week :( I’ve just dealt with the bad thoughts but they’re coming back stronger and I need to lose this weight.

A little about what’s been going on:

• gained about 5-6 pounds, making me 119-120 -____-
• me and F are still “dating”, we’re going to the beach tomorrow :D
• he’s taken me out to dinner, a lot. hence the weight gain.
• plus I’ve just been hungry, alll the tiiimmmee. 
• there’s nothing really else because my life is boring.
  
  so yeah. how have you guys been doing? :3

This is a rant, but I already fucked up today.

My weight this morning was 114, which I find fucking weird cause I’ve been eating like shit for the past week.. I ruined today by eating spaghetti as soon as I woke up then more but in a piece of bread, like a sandwich. I’m stuffed so hopefully I’ll keep only fruits for the rest of the day and I just took 3 laxatives -___-

I think the reason why I’ve been eating so “normally” or different than I usually do is because F takes me out to eat all the time, he’s always hungry yet his body’s perfect.. and he makes me feel like nothings wrong with me. Whenever we do go out to eat or just eat anything together in general I still have the “are you seriously eating this? do you know how much weight you’re going to put on by eating this shit?” thoughts in my head but they’re just not so loud anymore. F calls me beautiful, he says he loves everything about my body, especially my ass and I hate my ass. He told me last night my body was perfect and he loves it. We also had sex last night for the first time.. I don’t regret it at all. Our feelings for eachother are so strong even though it hasn’t been long at all. I was kind of scared when we first started because my ex left me right after we had sex for the first time. I was afraid F was going to do the same thing but it’s like he sensed what I was thinking and he told me, “I’m not going to leave you like ____ did, if you don’t want to do this, it’s okay, we can stop but I’m promising you I won’t ever leave you.”

It really scares me how perfect he is..

I’m so out of control.

Going out, drinking, eating.eating.eating.andeating.

Yesterday, F brought me to PF changs and then we went to a gig. We got drunk, which was fun but then we went to mcdonalds with my best friend, her guy best friend and her boyfriend. A couples fries and three chicken selects with some m&ms mcflurry.

-_-

Tomorrow I’ll be back to my regular posting and everything. Tomorrow’s Sunday. A new day.

I hate using the “oh, tomorrow’s a new day” excuse.
There should be no excuse.

Sorry I haven’t really been on..

the beach yesterday was fun. I ate like 16 rolls of sushi though >.< and goldfish. and poptarts last night flgkdfjg.

I’m spending the WHOLE day/night with F today. we’re going to the mall and then to a show so :3 hopefully I don’t eat too horribly today like the past week.. my period’s finalllly over.